Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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