it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
