she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I need to calm my uterus...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
