your thong is hanging out like whoa
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My vagina is officially offended.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
