She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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