so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
