Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
