Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
