I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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