are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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