After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
