12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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