Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
