Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
