I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
