evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
