Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
