A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
