if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
