I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
