Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
