i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
