If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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