Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize