then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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