i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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