Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
