Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
