so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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