Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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