this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
