But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
there was a trapeze. enough said
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
