Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
