i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
