First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
