no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
