You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
