Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
