You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
