If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
