How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
