hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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