I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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