alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
