dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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