I'm so fucking centered right now
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
