It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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