oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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