Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
