When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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