You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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