the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i love accidental penises.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
