If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
