New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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