genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize