and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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