Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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