everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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