I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
