jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
