just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
