I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
