dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
