I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
